So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
