You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
