Tell her she can't have a vagina
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
