it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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