you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
