I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
