I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
