I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
