I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
