I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
