hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
