Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
