look no pants
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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