I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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