i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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