My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You're a waste of cheezeits
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
