I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
