of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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