I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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