but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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