Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
