I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I smell like Dick and happiness
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
