i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize