You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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