I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
