Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
