you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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