Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How naked do you want me to be?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
