I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
