Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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