God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
