Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drake has all the answers
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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