Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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