Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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