Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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