Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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