i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
