So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
