You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
