We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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