Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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