can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
