I wanna passion pit in your ass
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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