is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
