We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
