WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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