When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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