please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize