Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
