Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
