there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
