so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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