sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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