I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
