Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize