You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
