the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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