Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
