let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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