My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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