You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
