super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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