why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
