so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
