WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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