So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
