I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
where am i from again
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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