She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
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Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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