Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
