I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
