She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
