yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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