I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
