We're like a lot better than the average bears
i would punch a child for taco bell
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
