She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
